


You can be my husband, I'll be your wife

by YouHaveBatBreath (orphan_account)



Category: Batman - All Media Types, The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: Batjokes, Lego batjokes, M/M, Save Me, Tumblr request, fluffy stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-02 17:22:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11513970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/YouHaveBatBreath
Summary: Tumblr Prompt Fic #2Anon said: First of all - happy b-day dear!!! Also, I've just discovered your fics and I love them - Once Upon a Dream positively killed me. Anyway, I was wondering if you could write me some sweet sweet Batjokes with Joker being hurt/in danger and Bats going all protective? LEGO world if possible. Thank u so SO much





	You can be my husband, I'll be your wife

**Author's Note:**

> babybatjokes on tumblr, come find me!!

You know that feeling when it feels like something is niggling at the back of your brain, a part of your brain that probably has a direct access to your heart because it makes your blood pumper thud and your skin break out with a nervous sweat? Its the feeling where you _know _that something is wrong. You can just _feel _it, but you can't put your finger quite on what it actually is. Its the feeling that makes your tummy turn with anxiety and your hands get all clammy as it just grows and _grows _, and you are wracking your brain to try and figure out what it is because if you don't you know something bad is gonna happen. You don't know that feeling? Good, consider yourself lucky, because Batman was feeling just exactly that and he was losing his shit.______

_____ _

_____ _

It had first started when he was polishing his batarangs to give them that sparkling gleam that shocked fear into Gotham’s criminals. It had just been a little sense in the back of his mind, it wasn't much of anything so he brushed it off. But as it got worse he put away his blades and went to go check on his little batfamily. He had learned that sense as his “someone I care about is in danger” sense. He didn't need an official name for it, he'd probably sound like a weird teenager and call it something like a “spidey sense”. Nah, not for him. 

The first person that he checked on was Dick. Obviously, as his adopted son Dick was too priority because of his childish nature and tendency to follow too closely in Batman’s footsteps. Thankfully the boy was safe, nestled in one of the ultra-super-comfy chairs in the home-theater system while he watched Serendipity for like the bajillionth time. One down, two to go. 

Alfred could take care of himself, Batman knew that (except for when he was falling from a plane in the middle of a burning city infested with monsters and lava, apparently). He wasn't as worried about him, and when he found him in the _other _home theater (there are actually three in Wayne Manor) watching those lifetime movies and drinking Chardonnay, or was it Pinot Grigio? He knew that he was more than fine.__

____

____

Barbara was an entirely different case, because as police commissioner she was almost constantly in danger, and almost constantly _not _where Batman could just swoop in and save her in five minutes. The mega-scuttler served him well and he was flying over Gotham city in less than ten minutes.__

____

____

He dialed her up as he flew over the narrows, peering down into the streets and checking for anyone possibly attacking her while she was busting crime. 

“This is Police Commisioner Barbara Gordon.” Well she sounded completely fine. Weird. 

“Hey, Babs.” He answered, totally confused. “You're not getting attacked by an army of ninjas or anything, are you?”

“Uh… no? Batman what's going on?”

“I was just flying around and figured I'd check on you. No big deal, thank me anytime.”

She scoffed over the line. “I mean what's going on as in I thought you were apprehending the Joker.” 

“Appre-what? Joker?” There it was again. That horrible feeling. His palms were suddenly sweaty.

“He was robbing a bank on the better half of town and I've got police reports coming in all over the place saying that you took him down?”

“Its all hideous lies, I've been polishing my batarangs.”

“Polishing... your batarangs?”

Batman wasn't even going to address the smirky tone in Barbara's voice, he didn't have time for that. He just bid a quick goodbye and hung up. 

Joker? Where was Joker at?

It took less than a minute at top speed to find just exactly where his green-haired enemy was. Cowering in an alley, yep that was totally normal. Smudged with dirt and some blood from a cut on his lip, yeah, Batman made him look like that a lot too. Covering his face in preparation for a punch from Superma- Wait, Superman? What the hell? What was _Superman _doing with Joker? And what was this ugly, powerful feeling welling up inside? If Batman didn't already have everything he would have called it jealousy.__

____

____

It was almost mindless, the way he ejected from the scuttler’s cab and hurled himself at the prissy guy in blue tights that was threatening _his _Joker.__

____

____

He didn't know that it was possible to surprise Superman, but his foot crashing into the kryptonian’s nose really seemed to do the trick. Superman stumbled backwards with a trickle of blood running down his lip. He had so fucking sprained or broken his ankle doing that. Fudge-muffin-dang it that really hurt! He swore under his breath a little bit and tried not to look too affected. _It was like kicking a fucking steel wall _.__

____

____

“What are you doing, Batman?” Superman sounded rightfully confused, but Batman didn't give a shit because Joker was looking at him wth sparkles in his eyes and that's where all of his available shits went. 

“Go home, I've got this handled.” Batman growled. 

“Batsy!” Joker squealed, latching himself onto the black-clad superhero. “You came to save me!” Those blink-y eyes were irresistible. 

Superman just gave him a look. “Yeah, I can see that you've really got it handled.” He scoffed at the villain happily rubbing his cheek on Batman’s shoulder. “How can you call yourself a hero when you let that scum run all over you?”

“Oh baby, what you wouldn't give to know just exactly how much I've rubbed up against him.” Joker teased, his words holding just a little too much bite. Batman could hear it in his voice, the clown’s feelings were hurt by that comment. It was almost embarrassing how much that made his blood boil. 

“I can call myself whatever I want, such as ‘billionaire, playboy, etc, etc’ and you can take your undies and tights back to Metropolis and take care of your own villains.” Batman’s fists were clenched tightly and Superman noticed. 

He seemed to ponder for a minute and then shrugged. “Whatever you say, Bats. See ya later, man.” He flew off like a rocket, the force of his takeoff blowing Batman, who was still trying to balance on one foot, onto his butt. 

So Batman found himself sitting in an alleyway with the Joker, his ankle sprained and that annoying sensation in his head finally at rest. Damned Joker making his head all buzzy like that. Damned Superman for hurting his Joker. 

It was weird, really. Like _really _weird, and yet so, so perfectly and wonderfully normal when Batman slung his arm around the Joker’s shoulders and willingly leaned on the clown for help as he hobbled over to his waiting vehicle. Mega-Scuttler had taken up a post not far away and was ready to leave when they arrived.__

____

____

“So, thanks for the save, Batsy.” Joker said, his smile too wide and his voice too cheery. “Catch you next time?”

He turned to walk away, but Batman’s hand flew out and caught him; stopping him. 

“Come on.” The masked vigilante murmured. “Let's get you cleaned up.”

Joker’s face was priceless as he was led into the mega-scutter’s back room. There was a tiny little bathroom off to the side and a cot, one that Batman made his green-haired clown take a seat in while he retrieved the first aid kit. 

Batman watched him, his icey blue eyes following the emerald green gaze darting around the tiny space, gloved hands wringing in a dirty lap, one plump, lipstick-smudged lip sucked in and bitten by adorably sharp teeth.

He took a seat right next to Joker and set about cleaning up the little cuts littered across his face, he must have either ran into some glass or got his face smashed into the ground. Batman almost got angry again, but the forelorn look on Joker’s face distracted him from thinking about anything else. The clown looked like he might break down if someone said the wrong thing to him, and it made Batman’s heart clench in a weird way. 

“Hey,” he said gruffly, nudging the clown’s thigh with his own. “Don't think about what he said, Superman’s a dick.”

He barely cracked a smile. 

What was he doing? He didn't even know. It was all feelings and emotions and all he wanted was to wipe that sad look off of the clown’s face. 

The joker’s jaw was pretty, all slender and milky white. And it for so nicely into Batman’s hand, it was like they were made to fit together. What was he doing? 

His eyes were so beautiful, just he most delightful shade of green. They sparkled with the finest glistening of tears. They were so open and vulnerable that Batman felt like he could stare into the Joker’s very soul. What was he doing? 

Those lips. No amount of lipstick could hide how perfectly round they were, how they set into a confused pout, and how they pursued into the forming of a word that never made it into the air. No amount of lipstick could hide hope wonderfully soft those lips were under Batman’s own. _What was he doing? ___

____

____

The kiss was gentle. It was sweet and tender and just everything that Batman had ever wanted to feel with someone special, and it was everything that he thought he'd never get. 

The Joker melted against him, and it was like two pieces of a puzzle sliding together, albeit two pieces with a few chinks and tears that didn't quite fit, but two pieces of a puzzle that went together anyways because you were too fucking tired of waiting to get the damned puzzle done. 

Breaking apart was regrettable, but it had to be done. And when Batman opened his eyes and seen that smile again, he knew that any and all repercussions of whatever had just happened would be well worth it. 

“So…” Joker started, a little giggle passing his lips. “Are you gonna be the wife, or am I?”

“Go away.”

“Aww c’mon, Batsy, I'll be the wife. _Give me a kiss, my hunky bat-husband.” ___

____

____

“I hate you.”

“I love you too, Batsy.”


End file.
